you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
