weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
