Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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