It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My balls are so social today.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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