Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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