is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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