i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
