im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
More tranny stories later!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
