ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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