Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
