do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
