the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
