So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
