People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
