I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
