im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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