I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
