I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
