good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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