he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
