1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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