Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
