Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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