Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
