I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everyone says I win the strip club
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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