How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
