So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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