i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
