Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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