I wish life had little blips of pornography
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
