no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
