You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
