sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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