What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm passing your future prison.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
