I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
