He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
