you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
