and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
