She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
