Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
