Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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