If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I faked an abortion last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
