yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
