i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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