So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
