sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
