Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
