I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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