i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
