Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
