Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
