No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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